An introduction to mediation

Simply put, mediation is a way for separating spouses to settle together issues such as:

• Property and support questions:
  • Who will pay the bills?
  • Who will stay in the family home?
  • How will everything be divided?
  • What about the bank accounts?
  • Will one spouse continue to support the other after the marriage is over?
    If so, for how long?
• Child care, custody and access questions:
  • With whom will the children live?
  • Who will make the day-to-day decisions about their lives?
  • When can the other parent spend time with them?
  • How much money will each parent pay to support them?

Mediation is an alternative to going to court or having the lawyers of separating spouses negotiate an agreement. Its purpose is to assist spouses to resolve their differences and design their own solutions to their unique problems. It is also hoped that mediation will help to discourage litigation and its heavy emotional and financial costs.

Some important notes:

• Either spouse can choose to leave the mediation process at any time if they feel it is not working.
• Mediation does not take the place of spouses' lawyers. Participants will be encouraged to maintain independent legal advice throughout the process and must review the final mediated agreement with their lawyer before signing.

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What is mediation?

Mediation is a voluntary process in which people can sit together at the bargaining table to design a financial settlement or parenting plan with the help of a specially trained neutral facilitator. The mediator helps people to take cooperative and reasonable approaches towards problem solving, by building on what can work in the future, rather than staying stuck with what did not work in the past. If you or someone you know are separating, reviewing the information included on this site can help you to decide if you would like to try mediation.

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What is the mediator's role?

• To help people to explore, understand and explain to each other their needs and concerns in a respectful fashion.
• To help people work together to solve their common problem, using each other as a resource.
• To help each parent explore, understand and explain to each other their views of the children's needs and plans for their care.
• To help each parent explore the roles they will have in the parenting plan for the children.
• To assist each parent to develop creative, but practical, ideas to resolve differences in their plans for the children's care.
• To suggest possibilities if an impasse is reached, but not to make recommendations.
• To diffuse conflict between people and focus the negotiation in a constructive manner.

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How does a mediator do this?

• Facilitator
  A mediator's responsibility is to manage the proceedings by acting as a facilitator. The mediator ensures that the issues in dispute are clearly defined and that all the interests are dealt with. Mediators manage conflict and help to keep people focused both on the issues in dispute, and on solutions.
  
  
• Communication opener
  When the mediation process begins, people sometimes have difficulty voicing their opinions. Sometimes people have not talked to each other for a long time and may not have seen each other since their separation. The mediator begins immediately to establish a rapport with the parties and to ensure that they are at ease. A mediator begins a business-like and respectful pattern of discussion between people. As communication builds, the involvement of the mediator may diminish. Often the mediator starts the communication ball rolling and then plays a minor role. If communication breaks down, the mediator will intervene to reopen communication channels.
  
  
• Translator of information
  Sometimes people talk, but do not fully understand each other. They may be unaware of certain facts, or they may see the same facts in different ways. The mediator will rephrase information to ensure that information is accurately given and understood.
  
  The mediator may act as a translator of information or a resource person. The mediator may direct people to other resources such as lawyers, accountants, or other professionals to obtain accurate information. The mediator may also recommend that people educate themself with respect to relevant issues such as child support guidelines or the developmental needs of children at various ages, or recommend that they attend information sessions such as Couples Apart...Parents Forever.
  
  
• Interest-based negotiation
  Mediators try to move people from taking positions and negotiating in "position based" styles. By encouraging a wide and formal discussion of each person's true needs, and by encouraging cooperation and reasonable approaches to problem solving, the mediator helps people to work out compromises without requiring them "to give in".
  
  
• Creating options
  The mediator can see when people are stuck on a single solution (or way of viewing the problem) which is leading to a stalemate of positions. At this point, the mediator may have to propose options to the parties. It is not the mediator's job to decide on a solution and sell it. The mediator will only make suggestions. It is the parties who must agree on the solution.
  
  
• Agent of reality
  As the possibility for settlement nears, the mediator must act as an agent of reality. The mediator will help the parties to assess the benefits and drawbacks of continuing or resolving the conflict. Mediators will also discuss and encourage detailed agreement as to how the agreement will be arranged and enforced in order to prevent possible disputes arising later.

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Additional information on family mediation is available from:

• The Ontario Ministry of The Attorney General
  
  
• Family Mediation Canada
  528 Victoria St. N.
  Kitchener, Ontario
  Canada  N2H 5G1
  Telephone: (519) 585-3118
  Fax: (519) 585-3121